Mission To Mars

You know, I'm going to be honest here. I actually enjoyed this film.

Right up until the alien turned up. Sweet lordy may! A more "Disneyfied" alien I have yet to see. Even worse than the beings at the end of A.I. Yes that bad. It could not look more like Bambi if they'd tried, and I'm not convinced this wasn't the intention.

This film has taken a lot of heat. In fact, it's been called the worst film about Mars ever made which, given its competition, is some achievement. The other main problem critics have is that it tries to have too many plot threads woven through the film, so that each one is less well explored. However other classics of science fiction, like 2001 have managed that and I think Mission to Mars is trying to aspire to that. It's definitely an homage to 2001, the shape of the spacesuit helmets gave that away, plus it does have the same number of acts, both culminating with the final reveal.

This film starts out as hard science fiction. Laws of physics are obeyed, there's no alien menace and the only difficulty the crew have to overcome is the natural hostility of space and the universe in general taunting them.

I can forgive a film attempting hard science fiction a lot of faults. As the name suggests, it's hard to make a good film this way. Without an antagonist, the action can become dull. You aren't allowed to suspend the laws of physics, no matter how "cool" the stunt you're filming would be if only gravity would bugger off to the pub for a pint for a few seconds. The spacecraft here look real. They look like exactly the sort of thing Nasa would send to Mars (if a tad on the flimsy side). The spacesuits are bulky and uncomfortable, exactly what you'd expect.

So I can forgive the plot holes, the lack of a secondary orbital insertion engine on the ship (don't give me that look, it's a requirement on all Nasa manned spacecraft) because a landing on a planet in less than ideal conditions is a staple of science fiction. I can forgive the lack of a fuel leak alarm on the spacecraft, and even the fact that the leaking fuel can't ignite in space (there's no oxygen). I can even forgive the biggest plothole of all, which is: You can save Tim Robbins¹.

But it's that bleeping alien. It totally spoils the ending. You could edit it out entirely from the film and that sequence would still work and still act as the catalyst for Gary Sinise's decision. It makes you notice all the other little glitches that otherwise, you'd have ignored or just put down to poetic licence, like the air tubes on the suits mysteriously disappearing when they take their helmets off inside the face. But when that alien turned up, the film jumped genres. There are several films that have jumped genres, and do it spectacularly well, but this isn't one of them.

The only way to describe the impace of this alien turning up to a non-science fiction fan is: Imagine if Red's last line in Gone with the Wind was

"Frankly my dear, I love you. Let's re-marry!" ²

That bad.......

Score: D+ Mostly because of the alien

OQ: "Prepare to abandon ship" Wasn't really sure if this was from Tim Robbins or Brian de Palma.

Trivia: Who would have thought that a character with the name of Woody would end up stiff and hard in space?

¹ Google it, there's loads of sensible and practical ideas to save him.

² Yes, I know this was a joke in the Simpsons. "Edited for Seniors" version of the film, and Moleman says "Did that film used to have a war in it?" before being escorted off by the orderlies.