300

There have been a few films in recent years where it's clear the director had too much control over the story and that the producer wasn't strong enough to tell him "Oi! Just film what's in the script! Alright?" The term "style over substance" was coined to cover such films, and we can all think of one or two examples. Films where you come out and can't remember what the plot was, only what the lead actor was wearing. At the risk of being expelled from the movie club for swearing, let us not forget one of the greatest crimes against humanity: Batman & Robin.

Oh, I hate myself, I hate myself for mentioning that. Bad taste in my mouth now. Ptooey!

I was worried about watching 300. This film has had so many different reviews. Some people loved it, some people hated it. Symon's quote was "Bad history to a pulsing rock soundtrack." Jackie's was "men are stupid, flaunt a couple of naked females snogging in front of them and they'll give you what you wish" which, let's face it, is as true today as it was back then.

I didn't think I'd enjoy this, but a bunch of friends sat me down and forced me to watch it. I rather enjoyed it. It's a sort of bloke's movie, in that you need men around you to say things like:

"Oh, ya bugger!"
"Ouch! Oh, I felt that one!"
"Now be honest, would you be in that first row of the assault?" All: "Hell no!"
"Holy crap! Did you see what he just did to that guy?"
"He's taking it tight!"*

and of course:
"Oh man! His whole arm just came off!"

There were a few scenes I didn't like because the CGI was really obvious in them and it kind of spoilt the whole premise of having a film shot entirely on green screen. I think we'll eventually look back in nostalgia, remembering the films of the end of the 20th century, and remember with fond memories a time when they used to make films with real sets.

Score:

C- if you start looking at the nitty gritty of it, like plot, dialogue or historical accuracy.
B+ for a bloke's film to watch with mates.

OQ: I hope you live forever.

This film is eminently quotable, check out IMDB for more.

* I have no idea what this phrase means.

Shrek The Third

Remembering this week to go to the cinema on Sunday, I toddled along to enjoy the latest Shrek film.

The trailers started, and I stretched out in the luxury of having no-one near me who could bother me. Yet another trailer for Surf's Up, that surfing penguin movie. Yawn. Looks terrible. Oh what's that? Yet another teen school movie. Oh look, she's the brainy one. Oh look, there's the arch-nemesis character.

Then the title of the film was revealed. And it chilled me . Chilled me to the bone. It was a film called Bratz. Yes, that's right; they've made a film out of those annoying dolls. It wasn't just the film based on merchandising that got me though, it was how crassly awful the film looked. Every high school film cliche in the entire book covered.

Anyway, on to Shrek. Bloody good film, nice premise, plenty of in jokes. Rather sad opening (but nowhere near as depressingly gloomy as Pirates 3's opening), but it even managed to squeeze a bit of humour into the scene.

As usual, the sidekicks and minor characters steal the show all over the place. The gingerbread man, Pinnochio and his desperate attempt not to lie, Sleeping Beauty's narcolepsy, one of the seven dwarves and of course Puss and Donkey. Wise cracks from them had me giggling all the way through.

Of the three, I still prefer the second film. I just think the gags were better and more flowing, and enjoyable from all ages (like the line "Nope....you got them..." after Donkey kicks Shrek between the legs). Still Shrek the Third does have a lot of merits, is highly enjoyable and a good laugh

Score: B-

OQ: Fuzzy navels for all my friends!

Fantastic Four - Rise of the Silver Surfer

Preamble
Kicking yourself for your own stupidity is not a great mood to be in when watching a film. Toddling along on Satuday at 6.30, I handed my ticket to the usher only to discover to my horror that the three noisy kids in front of me were also waiting for the same screen to be cleaned. And only after I'd sat down did I realise I'd be missing the new episode of Doctor Who! (I did manage to get home in time to catch the confidential, which then spoilt the repeat for me!)

I kept repeating my personal mantra "Cinema is for Sunday." hoping it would calm me down.

Luckily this film kept them quiet the whole way through, which was a relief because, from an entire cinema of seats to have allocated to them, somehow they got stuck directly behind me.

Review
I noticed there's no Fantastic in the official title of the film. The BBFC certificate lists it simply as "4 - Rise of the Silver Surfer", almost like there's no room for "fantastic." There's always room for fantastic! I'm a fantastic Star Trek geek, Symon's a fantastic source of movie trivia and Jackie has fantastic plans for when she gets her hands on James Spader. See? There's always room!

Other people have said this is a family film, which I sort of agree with. Unlike the Spiderman movies, there's no "recap" on the last movie, it just drops you right into the film. I actually liked this better than the way Spiderman does it.

Even with it being aimed at the family market, there's a few bits for the grown ups. Jessica Alba gets her kit off again (rowr) and there's a joke about Ben's bedroom lovelife.

Stan Lee's cameo was a bit tired though. He's turning up in too many of the films. It used to be the odd treat in a few, but what with his horrible appearance in Spiderman, this one was just one too many for me.

Missing lines from the trailer: 1, but the replacement line is much better.

OQ: There’s always a choice.

Score: B

Ocean's 13

I remember a time when only exceptional films were allowed to screw around with the distributor's logo at the start of the film. Everytime you saw the logo being altered at the start of the opening titles, you know you were in for a great film. It was a rarity, a sign of quality and a stamp of approval from the studio.

Then something changed and it seemed anyone could screw around with the logos, as long as there was a big name star attached and regardless of how much of a turkey the film was.

So when the opening titles started for Ocean's 13, I was a little concerned. I thought I was setting myself up for a fall.

Luckily, I was dead wrong. This film is so much better than the previous one. Everything I loved from the first one is back, the witty banter, the jokes, the camaraderie between the gang. The whole film has a Mission Impossible (TV) feel to it, which I love, the final heist is brilliant in the way they get around the problems they've had. Al Pacino is a bit wasted in the role, underused in so much as his presence is used more than his acting ability. Still, he was good though. All of his scenes were filmed in three weeks.

And thank god the trailer gave nothing away. There's no major spoilers in the UK trailer.

This film is funny, sharp and well paced. I loved it.

Score: A
This film has the Saxon Good Film Guarantee, a prestigious award given out only once every blue moon.

OQ: You shook Sinatra's hand....

OOQ: Yeah, um, I just bit into a red pepper...

Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of The War of the Worlds (Live on Stage!)

Longest title I've ever reviewed. By some margin. If I were to list all the elements in this film, like the huge orchestra, the laser show, a huge tripod descending from the rafters and Richard Burton's giant head, you might be forgiven for thinking this was some sort of bad acid trip. What it is, is a fantastic recording of the live show version of Jeff Wayne's.... well, you get the point. As soon as the main theme started up, the hairs stood up on the back of my neck, and I immediately turned the volume all the way up to just below rattling the wall level. Part orchestral ballad, part CGI movie, part live action stage musical and part Richard Burton's giant head, this is a strange mix of elements but it really seems to work. THIS is how you should make a movie of HG Wells' book: exactly as it's written (yeah, OK the musical changes a few things too, but it's mostly faithful to the source). Set at the turn of the century and from one man's perspective of the martian invaders and their unstoppable conquest across south east England, it's the original sci-fi horror story. Extras include how to make a giant tripod martian fighting machine (MFM for short), interviews with Jeff Wayne and how they brought Richard Burton back from the dead (figuratively speaking). It was quite clever actually. Score: A OQ: "No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that our world was being watched by intelligences greater than our own; that as men busied themselves about their various concerns, they observed and studied, the way a man with a microscope might scrutinize the creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. With infinite complacency, men went to and fro about the globe, confident of our empire over this world. Yet across the gulf of space, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic regarded our planet with envious eyes and slowly, and surely, drew their plans against us."

Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of The War of the Worlds (Live on Stage!)

Longest title I've ever reviewed. By some margin. If I were to list all the elements in this film, like the huge orchestra, the laser show, a huge tripod descending from the rafters and Richard Burton's giant head, you might be forgiven for thinking this was some sort of bad acid trip. What it is, is a fantastic recording of the live show version of Jeff Wayne's.... well, you get the point. As soon as the main theme started up, the hairs stood up on the back of my neck, and I immediately turned the volume all the way up to just below rattling the wall level. Part orchestral ballad, part CGI movie, part live action stage musical and part Richard Burton's giant head, this is a strange mix of elements but it really seems to work. THIS is how you should make a movie of HG Wells' book: exactly as it's written (yeah, OK the musical changes a few things too, but it's mostly faithful to the source). Set at the turn of the century and from one man's perspective of the martian invaders and their unstoppable conquest across south east England, it's the original sci-fi horror story. Extras include how to make a giant tripod martian fighting machine (MFM for short), interviews with Jeff Wayne and how they brought Richard Burton back from the dead (figuratively speaking). It was quite clever actually. Score: A OQ: "No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that our world was being watched by intelligences greater than our own; that as men busied themselves about their various concerns, they observed and studied, the way a man with a microscope might scrutinize the creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. With infinite complacency, men went to and fro about the globe, confident of our empire over this world. Yet across the gulf of space, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic regarded our planet with envious eyes and slowly, and surely, drew their plans against us."