Solaris

Erm...help?!?

Is this film really really good, and I was too asleep to appreciate this, or was it really as bad as my gut feeling told me?

Clooney arrives on the ship with two clearly disturbed crew members. Instead of doing what I would do - Tazer their asses, turn the AI back on and head for home, he talks to them. For hours.

"They're not human, and I'm threatened by that." Then why are you a deep space explorer, love? Surely you're going to encounter non-humans eventually. Excellent first contact procedure though. Bombard them with Higgs particles to destroy them, simultaneously using up your ship's fuel so you can't go home. Brilliant!

It's like all the weird, spooky bits from 2001. Except they kept this going for the entire movie. I think there was about five lines of dialogue in the entire film, it's mostly just mood pieces. You can see the references, like when Clooney is approaching the ship, in his spacesuit, the lights from the control panel are reflected in his visor. A clear 2001 reference. Also the feeling of isolation and desolation permeate through the film, but this meant I couldn't relate to the characters or feel anything for them.

Ultimately this left me disappointed. Whereas 2001 was just as enigmatic, at least there was a sort of answer at the end of the movie, and subsequent movies/books explained what the Sam Hill was going on. This just felt confusing, but not in a clunky way. The film is very beautifully made, excellent camera work and mood pieces. It just leaves you confused at the ending(s).

Also, thinking back, the whole "you won't understand until it happens to you" think annoyed me. How hard is it to say "memories come to life" or "my child is here" or "I see dead people"???

There are other faults. The female doctor (name escapes me) if first shown being very paranoid about him coming into her room, and agrophobic. Yet ten minutes later she's happily sitting in the conference room, chatting away.

OQ: I didn't think it was possible, but this both sucks and blows at the same time. And not in a good 'Jenna Jameson' kind of way.

Score: D

2010

Often, and unfairly, described¹ as a weak sequel to 2001, this was showing last night on the Sci-Fi Channel. This is still one of my favourite movies.

Whereas 2001 was bleak and drab in various shades of grey (a deliberate move to make the final psychedelic "stargate" effect far more impacting), this film brought colour to the "new" space race.

The US-Soviet tensions do seem a little dated now, but at the same time, lay some strong foundations for the plot.

Plot: Discovery, left in parking orbit around Io by Dave Bowman before he disappeared, is going to crash on Io before the Americans can get a recovery mission to her. They've somehow managed to miss this over the last nine years. The Russians are going to get there before it crashes, but they lack the expertise to salvage her in time. Low and behold, there's suddenly three free seats on the Russian mission.

To explain, I read this story first, before I saw it. As such, the film is fairly faithful, only the absence of the Chinese mission being obvious. 2010 was first written by Arthur C Clarke and then filmed, whereas 2001 was first filmed and the book (written about the same time), was released later. It tries to explain some of what happened in 2001. Although not everything is revealed, one of the plot points in why HAL malfunctioned and killed off the crew. It's actually a very clever reason, same one as in the book, and doesn't pander to the audience. You'll either understand it, or you won't.

This film can still send shivers up my spine, particularly the scene where Dave Bowman turns up and when the Monolith disappears. The special effects have stood the test of time fairly well. They still look pretty damn good, and can put a lot of CGI from more modern films to shame. Even the ignition of Jupiter is impressive. The images, taken mostly from the Voyager craft, are breathtaking (even if we now know the colour of the clouds is way off.)

This is definitely a film that stands up to repeat viewing. You catch new and different things each time you watch it. It also pays to have a good sound system, as a mono TV sounds completely different to a 5.1 surround sound. The mono tends to mash the soundtrack together, so for example, in the escape scene, the music and the noise of the approaching shock wave are smushed in to each other. But the 5.1 can pick them out for you.

Score: A- for sci-fi fans. Probably a B- or C+ for non-fans.

OQ: I understand. It is important that you believe me. Look behind you.

¹It's also correctly described as one of the few films where Helen Mirren keeps her clothes on.

Scary Movie 2

It wasn't scary. And it wasn't that funny. But I still enjoyed it.

Who'd have thought that a bad movie could be saved by Tim Curry, of all people.

This movie was definitely struggling to find it's feet.

Third one's better. Might have to see the fourth at the cinema, it looks good.

Score: C-. Believe be, it would've been a D- or an E+ without Mr Curry.

OQ: Oh come one, it's college. It's time to experiment.

Incide Man

Spike Lee, Denzel Washington (in New York), Clive Owen, Jodie Foster. What could go wrong?

Plot holes, ladies and gentlemen. That's what went wrong.

You feel no sympathy for the "baddie", not because he's bad, or because he gets caught, but because he's so stupid- scratch that. He's so stooopid to get himself caught. In the word of Comic Store Guy from the Simpsons "Worst Plot-hole Ever."

The fact the police wouldn't even check the blech-blah-bleugh.
Why didn't he get rid of the hum-de-hum?
The diddely-dum!
Why did no-one notice that the diddely-dums had changed!
Why did nobody smell the huckle-tuck?
Plot devices removed to prevent spoilage.

Seriously dude! More plot holes than Star Crash.

Plus points. Jodie Foster is magnificent as always, strangely reminding me of a friend's missus in this. Denzel is Denzel. Cool as. Clive Owen is behind a mask for most of the film, but still manages to be subtlety menacing.

Score: B- on viewing, falling rapidly to a C- when I left and started thinking about it.

OQ: "My name is Dalton Russell. Pay strict attention to what I say because I choose my words carefully and I never repeat myself."
"Pardon?"