Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

This weekend I decided to treat myself to a WOF (Weekend of Films), and see all the films I've either missed or been putting off.

First up in my mammoth WOF was Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Now I should have seen this last weekend, when I was down in Birmingham celebrating my sister's (third) graduation from university, but God had other ideas and tried his best to drown the cinema. I dunno, maybe he's unhappy with Morgan Freeman playing him again in Evan Almighty....

So up at an ungodly hour on a Saturday, I rose. Looking over at my alarm clock, I was appalled to discover that there's a ten o'clock in the morning on Saturdays now.

Now I've heard some people say that this is exactly the same plot as all the other Harry Potter movies, and I can sort of see their point to be honest, but it is a little like complaining that every James Bond film is the same as the previous one because they all follow the same formula. It begs the response; Yes of course, what where you expecting?

Order of the Phoenix is a very dark film, much so than the last one. Each film gets progressively darker, which doesn't bode well for the finale of the series - which I haven't read so don't spoil it for me LA LA LA LA LA, I'M NOT LISTENING.....

No spoilers from me, but I did like the way Harry's isolation was portrayed. As I've said previously, I enjoy films that get the character's emotions across to me subtly. I don't like characters who have to explain their feelings, saying "I'm happy with my life right now." I prefer the story and direction to make me feel as happy as they are.

As you'd expect, the film is wonderfully shot, with great special effects, and enough mystery to keep me happy. I hate being able to see what's coming (well, except at railway crossings). There's some good reveals of characters' pasts and backstory. There's a character in the movie who needs a ruddy good slap the whole way through, and surprisingly, it isn't Harry, Ron or Hermione.

Oh, and luckily Harry's hair doesn't look as stupid as the cover of the computer games would have you believe.

Score: B -

OQ: "I feel sorry for you..."

So in conclusion, I can heartily recommend a WOF to everyone. Mine left me feeling invigorated and refreshed and when I got to work this morning, for the first time I didn't feel like I'd wasted yet another weekend. However, this is probably indicative that I need to get a girlfriend.

The Simpsons Movie

Second up in my WOF (Weekend of Films), and the film topping my "most anticipated" list, The Simpsons Movie.

I knew this was going to be good. But I didn't know it was going to be this good. I'm sitting here still giggling at the jokes.

As you can imagine, not every character can turn up, and the story seems to have avoided cramming in cameos of the recurring characters, which was always my worry about the film. The story, while the usual level of Simpsons insanity, is well written and strikes deeper chords, if you're willing to listen to it. The jokes are good. They're very very good.

Sorry, just had another giggling fit there.

The visuals are stunning. It's like living all your life with black and white vision and suddenly seeing in colour. The characters are better defined, without losing their instantly recognisable nature, and the backgrounds and scenery are beautifully drawn. It's clear that everyone involved loved this film and put their best work into it.

While not wanting to give anything away, I will tell you the trailer is a wonderful piece of misdirection, both telling you bits of the plot and throwing you off the scent completely. I like this, it's exactly what Star Trek films used to do in their trailers.

A nice touch was in the closing credits, when each of the cast names come up, they also show you a list (with pictures, for the kids) of all the characters that person voices. Now, if you're anything like me, you'll probably look at the list and think "Wow, he's a busy bunny. Look at how many characters he does." Right up until a point when you will have to bite your tongue to avoid shouting "What?!? She only does ONE character?!?"

Stay during the credits, there's a few bits to see that are tacked into the credits and they're quite good.

Score: A Solid gold. It was fan-freaking-tastic.

OQ: Da da da da da da da da da da da da, da da da da da.

Transformers

Oh my freaking jebus!

Not the best way to review a film I'll grant you, but the only way to do it any justice. This film is brilliant.

I was a little worried about this, especially as the opening credits started:

Paramount Pictures
in association with
Hasbro

Uh-oh, I thought. A toy company in the credits. It's never a good sign.

Luckily, I was wrong. Transformers is a belter of a film. I really can't recommend this enough. It's the ultimate summer blockbuster. OK, the story's not Shakespeare (although some would argue with you on that), and some bits of the plot make no sense when you examine them, but dammit it's a hell of a good ride.

Enough humour to keep most people happy, enough giant ass robots beating the hell out of each other to keep the action fans happy, a bit of romance for the girls, Peter Cullen's voice for the boys and Megan Fox for me. Hands off, she's mine.

Mixing combat with humour, romance with science fiction, and action with giant battling robots, the film delivers in all the boxes I wanted it to check.

A few annoyances, like precious little dialogue from the Autobots, and the whole Megatron-Starscream thing was handled in a one line throwaway. Also, Megatron does come across as being a bit of a big bully. Which is a bit like saying Adolf Hitler was a very very naughty man. But there's a great reveal at the end (well, two actually assuming you don't sprint for the exit once the credits roll), and to see huge battling robots flying about the screen smashing each other up is beyond description.

Score: A+ Yes, that good.

OQ: "Left cheek! Left cheek! Left cheek!"

Die Hard 4.0

John McClane is back baby.

After the disappointment of the third film Die Hard with a Vengeance, I was looking forward to this return to form. I should take a slight detour here and explain that I hated Vengeance. Too many improbably stunts that should have killed him, weak premise for the bad guy and far too much use of the shakicam. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of films that used the shakicam to good effect. The problem with Vengeance was that I kept thinking "They must have spent a fortune on this special effect, setting up the stunt, choreographing it and set dressing and I can't see a bloody thing!"
I really did like both the first two movies, the action and humour seemed to be a perfect match for each other. So I was waiting with anticipation for this film. And its good!

How good is it? Well put it this way, normally I hate movies about hackers because I know the technology is totally guff. And it is here too, but the film is so much fun to watch that I didn't care. And that's saying something pretty special about the film.

The humour is back, and boy did I miss it. Kinda like returning home after a long spell away, you don't realise how much you missed the place until you're back there.
The action is fantastic. Totally over the top, action packed, impossible stunts which totally engross. Put it this way: Transformers has a lot to live up to now.
The dialogue is back to form. Witty one liners, but nothing that feels forced. It was a refreshing change given the current film climate.

Now we do have an annoying sidekick again, but he's nowhere near as whiny as Samuel L. Jackson was in Vengeance. Which, let's be honest, would be very difficult anyway.

I think the word that describes Die Hard 4.0 best is "stonking" as in "a stonking good ride from start to finish", which is a good phrase if someone is describing a film, but never a good phrase if someone is describing your sister.

Score: B+++

OQ: It's something we invented in the sixties, it's called jogging. Come on, you're going to love it...

There were even some bonus points for trailers for Rush Hour 3 (hilarious), Transformers (they do talk, I've checked) and The Simpsons Movie.

A Man Apart

I'm writing this as one of those "public advisory" notices. This film is terrible.

The opening story is as cliched as you could imagine. US drug enforcement agents raiding a Mexico club to capture a kingpin, who has evaded capture on countless occasions. Just when it looks like the kingpin will get away yet again, one cop goes above and beyond to bring him down. Kingpin swears his revenge.

Cut to cop back home with wife, and without so much as a gratuitous sex scene, they're in bed late at night when a prowler breaks in. Cop kills prowler but his wife is killed in the gun fight.

The cop suspects the kingpin, and goes out for revenge, but the kingpin says "It wern't me, guv'na." or he would have done if he'd been from London. Kingpin then persuades the cop that it was the new boy "Diablo" what done the deed. Diablo is currently taking over the kingpin's territories while kingpin's in jail, but the kingpin assures the cop that this fact is completely unrelated.

So far, so Steven Segal movie. But there's a twist. Can you guess what it is yet?

This film would have been great, if it were not for the man playing the lead, one Vincent Diesel. The role calls for great emotion, subtle wordplay, quiet menace as well as some action pieces. Unfortunately, Vincent seems only capable of either:

• All out action, ala "You ****ing killed my wife, you ****ing mother ****er!"
• The puppy dog eye thing he does.

To quote one of my lady friends on the matter: "As an actor, he has the emotional range of a wet sponge."

The ending sucks worse than Mission to Mars, which in itself makes this a bad film hall of fame nominee.

Score: D- Saved from an E score only by some of the action pieces, which are quite good.

OQ:
Sean: [referring to his wife's grave] Who picked the stone?
Demetrius Hicks: We all did.
Sean: She would've liked that.

KOQ: (The Kevin Obligatory Quote) Yeah, I think what she would've liked most is not to get shot...